already weekend again o.o

wow, I think times flies away at the moment o.o and I really can't stand it, 'cause it's like I do nothing, nothing at all, I'm just wasting time....

I keep telling people that I have a winter depression, and I'm actually starting to believe so myself.. I'm sad and angry ALL the time. When I told one of my friends, she said "don't give up, hold on, you can do it!" at first, I thought of it as a sincere thought, that she really care for me, but as time passed that day, which was yesterday, I started to think of it more like it was just taraf. (it's persian and when things you say is taraf, it's like you say them to be nice, but you don't really mean them)
I know it may sound stupid, but when you can turn everything that's actually good, to be somehing bad, you will get these thoughts in your head.

I also miss a lot of people all the time.. but it's like they don't miss me back, it's like I'm not that big a thing for them, I don't really mean that much to them.. I'ved tried this soo many times before, so I know the signs very well..
when I wake up alone, almost each morning, I feel like crying.. when I wake up with someone, I feel like they are only there out of pity for me, even though I know there is no reason for them to feel pity towards me, but I just can't help it.. maybe it's the old depression talking now?

anyways, there is some good things happening also, on monday, I'm gonna start boxing!! oh yeah! xD
maybe I can punch this sadness and anger out of me, that would be very nice ^^

I will try anbd set sails for a brighter future for me now! xD (that sounds extremely cheesy and stupid xD ) but anyways, I*m sure things will change, 'cause they always change ^^
don't forget to smile people! ^^
Rain is out~