Love in the horror way <3

søndag den 5. februar 2012

*sigh*

At days like this, I feel all alone.. left out... I feel like I have no interaction with anyone.. I... sometimes when my friends say something or do something, I get upset, I don't know why, and somehow yet I do.. because my dreams are far from here and their dreams are right here.. I feel so alone.. My dreams flew that far away because I'm not use to having friends who actually care or like me all that much.. I usually get ditched just after I get attached.. therefore I shaped my dreams all alone.. but now... now I want nothing more than to let those dreams go and stay right here even though it will hurt and I know I will regret it.. I really don't know which foot to take a step with.. which path I should take.. I feel stuck and want out, but yet somehow I can't.. Everytime I think about what I should do, what I WANT to do, I have to stop, neither my brain nor heart know where to go.. what to do.. If I don't go, I wont be able to do anything.. but if I do go. I could loose everything I've finally gotten... but somehow I feel I shouldn't feel this way.. I mean I love my friends soo much, but do they love me? Even though they say they miss me and love me.. I've been through this before, and those people I finally told my secrets, my darkness, they'd abandon me, leaving me all alone.. feeling lost.. I feel that, if I follow my dreams now, I'll abandon them.. they wont be lost though, 'cause they've got a lot of other things and friends, but.. Is that really what I want? I'm not good at sharing especially not friends, mostly because.. It always feels like they know each other more and talk to each other more than they do with me, and that upsets me, even though I know it shouldn't 'cause that's usually not how it is.. and yet I'm too dumb to actually see it..



I guess I just have to make a choice, and then make sure that nothing falls apart.. If other people can do it.. why can't I? ^^

Rain is over and out~~ and I'll always remember to smile!