Here we go again

I've been having a hard period in my life again. I have now found out some reasons why it was hard before and why I acted like I did. I'm been trying to tell some people what had happened to me and what was going on with me, because I thought people who also had some trouble could understand and be supportive.
But as always the answer is no. No one gives a shit about me. No matter how much I have helped them in the past, nobody is willing to understand or support when I am going through a tough time. People just say heartless things to me and when I say, hey not cool, they play it off as I'm joking. When I then tell them that what they have said or  done actually hurt me, well they have the audacity to try and guilt trip me. Listen you fucking idiot, it's not my problem that you get hurt and cry because YOU said something insensitive. DO NOT try to put that on my court.
I haven't had a bad period for like, over a year at least, if not longer! I have been happy and supportive of others and listened to their problems, however small, and tried to help them with it. BUT of course, I say I am not doing well now, after a loooong time and need some understanding and support, and what do I get? Nothing. OR, people being annoyed with me for not feeling okay.
I am sick and tired of people and myself. Don't everyone think that I am MUCH MORE sick and tired of my brains bullshit than they are??? Like do they even understand I have to live with everything?? Even the things I don't say because it's too dark and I don't think they can handle it.
I still listen to their problems and all the things they talk about, even when I am feeling like shit. But that favor cannot ever be returned apparently. It never has and never will.
I am having very very very bad thoughts and could sometimes just use a little bit of support, instead of constantly being pushed away. Tbh at this point, I very much question why am I still here?? Nobody would give two shits if I weren't apparently. Well yes I know my mum would and perhaps she is the reason I am trying so hard.
But I am so so so so so tired. And it's very hard for me to not just give up.