Love in the horror way <3

lørdag den 17. august 2013

Shitty "lovers"

Ok, I've never gone so far to a point where I was actually lovers with anyone. Girlfriend/Boyfriend is as far as I've gotten. But still, I'm sick and tired of me only being able to get shitty girlfriends and boyfriends. I mean, usually when you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, they care for you, and in the beginning they just can't leave you alone because you're their everything. well.. frist of, no ones ever been all over me! The only one who has, and the only person I've actually ever been in love with, well, there were some circumstances that made it impossible for us to be together. So yeah. Actually the only boyfriend who ever really cared for me and tried to help me and such was my first boyfriend, and that's fucking amazing because.. I really had problems back then, but he was there for me when I needed it. He never backed off and didn't make me feel alone, except for one time, but hey, everybody makes mistakes! my second boyfriend and first girlfriend, tore me apart with their none caring. They were the most selfish people I think I've ever met, but yet somehow I'm glad I was with them before thos, because my current girlfriend, well.. she treats me the same way as those two did, not as extremely fortunately, but it's still enough. I know she has problems too, and I'm not allowed to know about them even though I'm willing to help. I'm always willing to listen and help. I don't care how long it goes on for, as long as I feel loved and appreciated. but I don't.. She doesn't in any way make me feel that. I know I should just say it's over, but she says she has some things she wants to talk through with me... wtf, I should be the one saying that.. well anyways, I have to wait another two weeks until that point. I guess I'll just not talk to her until then, it seems like that's the way she is going with this, so yeah, I don't care anymore, I think I'll tell her it's over when she is done saying what she wants to tell me.

søndag den 5. februar 2012

*sigh*

At days like this, I feel all alone.. left out... I feel like I have no interaction with anyone.. I... sometimes when my friends say something or do something, I get upset, I don't know why, and somehow yet I do.. because my dreams are far from here and their dreams are right here.. I feel so alone.. My dreams flew that far away because I'm not use to having friends who actually care or like me all that much.. I usually get ditched just after I get attached.. therefore I shaped my dreams all alone.. but now... now I want nothing more than to let those dreams go and stay right here even though it will hurt and I know I will regret it.. I really don't know which foot to take a step with.. which path I should take.. I feel stuck and want out, but yet somehow I can't.. Everytime I think about what I should do, what I WANT to do, I have to stop, neither my brain nor heart know where to go.. what to do.. If I don't go, I wont be able to do anything.. but if I do go. I could loose everything I've finally gotten... but somehow I feel I shouldn't feel this way.. I mean I love my friends soo much, but do they love me? Even though they say they miss me and love me.. I've been through this before, and those people I finally told my secrets, my darkness, they'd abandon me, leaving me all alone.. feeling lost.. I feel that, if I follow my dreams now, I'll abandon them.. they wont be lost though, 'cause they've got a lot of other things and friends, but.. Is that really what I want? I'm not good at sharing especially not friends, mostly because.. It always feels like they know each other more and talk to each other more than they do with me, and that upsets me, even though I know it shouldn't 'cause that's usually not how it is.. and yet I'm too dumb to actually see it..



I guess I just have to make a choice, and then make sure that nothing falls apart.. If other people can do it.. why can't I? ^^

Rain is over and out~~ and I'll always remember to smile!

onsdag den 1. juni 2011

OMG I'm alive! o.o

yeah, it came as a suprise for me too xDD I'm still here xDD
it's almost been 5 months since my last entry o.o I'm starting to become like Tora, no wait, it's been like a year since his last entry xDD anyways, I haven't written because, well I don't know, I mean a lot has happened, both good and bad.. but I don't know xDD

anyways people!!
to start of, I got 12 (the highest score in my country) in my Japanese exam, WOOP WOOP! and me who thought it was gonna go soo bad, 'cause I suck at everything, well, I think I found one thing I don't suck completely at, yaiiz xDD *pats myself on shoulder* my dad was also all like, why did you say you were bad at it? xDD
my mum is really preaparing for the vacation o.o she is determined to learn the proper way to say hello and thanks in any given situation, aww that's kinda sweet ^&^ and when we were planning what to do while in Japan just casually, she was like, I wanna see that, and that, and that, OH AND THAT TOO!! and it ended up she had more things than me o.o WHAT!?!? how is that possible? >.> I asked my dad too, what he wanted to see and all he said was, Tokyo Fire station ^&^ it's kinda cute :3 for those of you who don't know, my dad is a firefighter and have been for a about 26 years now ^^ so on vacations our goal is always to find the firestations and take pictures of them wherever we are ^&^

for work, wow, I work so much, and yet it's just normal hours anyway WTF xDD but it feels like I have no freetime, mostly because I only have one day off at the time >:<

music wise, the new DOGgy single got shipped yesterday o. CAN'T WAIT!! >.< + the 3 versions of Alice Nine's new single will be shipped like a week from now =(^.^)=

I'm gonna write more, so I can get things in more detail XDD not that anyone but me really cares, 'cause I believe all my readers has stopped reading xD

anyways, keep safe people!! and don't forget to smile ^&^
Rain is over and out ^v^

søndag den 9. januar 2011

O.O

OK WTF!! it's been aaagggeess since the last time o.o that is soo not ok!! damnit!! xDD ANYWAYS, a lot of nice things has happened already, and the year just fucking started xDD

I have bought the tickets to the Final Fantasy concert in November ^&^ <3>
This week I'm gonna buy the plane tickets to Tokyo baby!!! *dances around like crazy*

yesterday I was in Copenhagen with my bithces XDDDD yes, I call people I love that because I'm pathetic xDD Even though I've been sick for almost a week now, I haven't really felt it bacause of all the stuff I've been doing, very nice indeed xDD


I think I'll stop already, because.. I can't really say with words how happy I am at the moment, and it's gonna sound retarded if I keep going, I just know it XDDD


See ya, and don't forget to smile!!
Rain is over and out~

mandag den 25. oktober 2010

OMFG!!!!!!!

IT'S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!! DISTANT WORLDS IS COMING TO LONDON NEXT YEAR!!! FUCK YES!! I'm soo going!! I could cry, I'm that happy right now ;______; I was at the concert in Stockholm on 12th of June this year, and it was soo.. damn it was amazing, and it was in the middle of my exam periode, which wasn't so good, 'cause I couldn't focus at all after that concert, I could only think about it xDD I think that's why I did soo poorly, but that doesn't matter, Final Fantasy is more important to me than life itself xDD

I know I haven't updated in like, a month xDD or wait, it's almost two isn't it o.o xDDD anyways, my life isn't really that exciting, and that is why xD
the most exciting things is, of course the news about the Distant worlds concert, but also the fact, that my FF collection almost is complete, only missing a few games, yaaaiizz ^&^v also, it's my birthday on friday xDD haha xDD woop woop xDD
but omg, the only thing I can think about right now.. is that concert *____* oh wait, also the fact that in the summer vacation next year, I'm going to Japan for 2 weeks xDD I know it sounds crazy saying this, but it almost slipped my mind, because I'm that excited for that freaking concert damnit!! xDDD


but now I'm gonna go, 'cause work calls once again xDD I work waayy too much compared to my contract, but screw that.. MONEEEYY!! xDDD

over and out!!! hope you too is as happy as me xDDD haha xDDD

onsdag den 1. september 2010

school started! ^&^v

yesterday my Japanese class started again! ^&^v <3>
I was so excited about it, 'cause I really missed it and the lovely people!
I must admit that it was a really good start, there was no awkwardness in seeing these people again, and they all just talked to me, like I had been in the class last year also, even though I only was there for like 4 months or so :3
anyways, the class I'm attending is now Japanese B-level practiced. uhhhh xDDD my teacher was like, if you ever meet one of those from the beginner class, make them bow for you xDDDD
In our breaks in there, me and Eva-san totally raped our teacher's computer with Japanese child songs, AND kokkiman xDDDDDD and for the rest of the evening me and signe-san kept singing, Mary-san no Hitsuji xDDDDDDD come on, it's a good song xDDD
we also played a hiragana and katakana game to see if we hopefully hadn't forgotten them all xDDD fortunately, we hadn't XDD though I must admit that when you haven't practiced almost all summer, some of the katakana was a bit fuzzy xDDD
we also got our first assingment which we have to finished till next class so we can write it in on the computer and turn it in to the school, and there is like only 7 assingments left this year, woop woop xDDD

on our way home, me and signe-san.. well we got a bit too happy I don't now, but we were clearly hyperactive, and we invented this mutant sheep which will come and eat other sheeps, and also humans sometimes xDD it's like 2 feet tall and ways a 1000 pounds XDDDDDD
I'm already really looking forward to next Japanese class, I can't wait for it to be wednesday :3

oh btw, work is awesome!! I work alot, and I get alot of money of course XDD soo I've got the money to buy all the lovely games that I'm craving to get xDDD actually the only one I'm missing right now is Persona 4 xDDD
currently I'm playing:

FF VIII (again xDD) I'm on disc 4 xDD
Dissidia: Final Fantasy.I'm in chapter 3 of the shade impulses.
Crisis Core -Final Fantasy VII- I actually just finished it, but then started a new game xDD
Final Fantasy I. I could actually just go and kick the crap out of the last boss, BUT I want to do the four cave thingys also, 'cause I want to complete, the ENTIRE game and not just some off it xDD


games I've yet to play:
Persona 3 (Bought, waiting)
Suikoden V (Bought, waiting)
Final Fantasy II (I have it XD I will start once I finsish FF I )
Final fantasy tactics (Bought waiting)

and ALOT of others, which I haven't bought yet, 'cause they are not out yet, OR I don't have the console yet >.<


and well, that's pretty much it for now xDDD

torsdag den 12. august 2010

HAHA!!!

I'm sitting here wondering about what people think of me, I reached this conclusion;
Bitchy, hateable, annoying, full of shit and such, and you know what? I DON'T CARE!! I'm me, not some fake, everybody-loves-me human. I say the things I wanna say and do things the way I want to do them.
and with that said I just got something funny on my mind, I was at this convention this weekend, and well, I saw my ex, many times, and whenever he looked at me, it was like, he was starring and was turning his head after me, I couldn't help but smile xDDDD

I song I listen to all the time at the moment;
Heartsdales - candypop feat. SOUL'd OUT

seriously it's soo catchy and plays on repeat on my computer the most of the time I listen to music xDDD

and yeah I got nothing more, just wanted to update something, 'cause I suck at this xDDD